Someone said to me recently that “Hormones aren’t real and women can’t keep blaming their emotional state and behavior on hormones”. They followed on by saying that “No wonder divorce rates are so high with the way women act these days with their “hormones”. “…
Well what do you say to something like that?? It obviously hit me hard as a woman who has had “hormones” all her life, a regular menstrual cycle since the age of 12, had 2 babies and is pre perimenopause. I think I am still flabbergasted at these comments and how someone could be so dumb, but I will try my best to respond adequately here.
Of course hormones are real. I think everyone, or at least I thought everyone knew that.
There have been 50 identified hormones in the human body so far. Both males and females have the same hormones, but the levels and the way they behave in the body differ significantly. For example, males typically have much higher levels of testosterone than females, while females generally have higher levels of estrogen. Females also tend to have higher levels of progesterone than men but this changes significantly over their life and especially in perimenopause. Many great scientists and researchers have spent decades trying to understand how women’s hormones work and effect health on every level, including Dr Katharina Dalton who coined the term PMS or premenstrual syndrome in 1953, and Dr Jerilynn Prior who has spend most of her career trying to understand the power of progesterone on women’s hormone issues and founded CeMCOR or the Center for Menstrual Cycle and Ovulation Research. So yes hormones are real.
I feel its important to establish that when someone is referring to the emotional state and hormones, they are usually not referring to thyroid insulin or leptin, although they can play a part, but its usually the steroidal and corticosteroid hormones – the sex and stress hormones. In the case of a woman, when her emotional state is unstable, it is usually because estrogen, adrenaline and cortisol are high, and progesterone is low. Most commonly seen in our PMS time of the month but can DEFINITELY happen at other times of the month regardless of your age. And we absolutely see these hormonal imbalances in perimenopause and midlife – which is when many women feel mentally and emotionally unstable. In case you missed the memo, women have their highest levels of estrogen (and usually adrenaline) in perimenopause. Estrogen is somewhat of a stress hormone (especially in excess) and causes a lot of the negative disruptions a woman experiences in her life, which is then compounded by the adrenaline stress hormone which causes chronic anxiety, jitters and sleep issues, to name a few. AND progesterone plummets during perimenopause (if it hasn’t already), which is our hormone of youth, calm, joy, contentment, sanity, and vitality.
If you have felt this hormonal instability, you will know it can make a woman feel upset, weepy, angry (because she can’t control or doesn’t understand the changes), and lost in herself. It is unfair. And I know many women would appreciate a bit of understanding and grace during these times instead of being told they are irrational, selfish or unstable. I can reassure you, you are not going mad!
Let me be clear, I am not trying to say that all behavior should be excused because a woman is “PMSing” or “hormonal” but I am asking that we get a bit of understanding and grace. It is insensitive and undignifying to be so nonchalant towards a woman when she is trying to navigate and deal with her emotional turmoil. Its not easy being a woman, you know?!
I discussed this topic recently with Wade Lightheart on the Bioptimizers podcast – very openly and clearly I might add (I’ll post the link to the conversation below). That as a woman transitions through life and her hormones change, she is dealing with a lot of inner and outer turmoil. She may be more irritable, have low tolerance for nonsense, her libido might vanish, she may not be sleeping well which exacerbates the other problems, she may be forgetful, extra weepy and of course, the first person she will take her temper out out on is usually her husband. So then when a man doesn’t understand what’s going on, the arguments continue and the relationship goes around in circles until it ends – in separation or divorce. Which is actually understandable. It was great to have this conversation with Wade as he was able to give a male/husbands perspective and response to this. Men and husbands do not generally know or hear this type of stuff. Men feel like their wife or woman only complains and has no interest in them inside or outside of the bedroom. That she is spends her days being angry with them and finds them almost repulsive. The mans needs are not being met, the woman feels unheard and misunderstood, and boom, the marriage or relationship implodes. Wade and myself agreed that if more men were thought and understood how a woman’s hormonal cycle and shifts work, then they would be better equipped to help and support the woman, instead of telling her that she can’t keep using her hormones as an “excuse”. And thus saving the relationship and potentially making it stronger. Happy wife = happy life.
But seriously, when a women feels heard and supported, she feels loved and she can reciprocate that back. If not, she will lash out and a big part of that is hormones.
Women are not like men. We are delicate flowers. We are not as resilient to stress and life’s demands as men are. We need a lot of TLC. Women as usually trying to raise kids and take care of a house, and all that entails. While also trying to have a career, be healthy, lose weight, keep on keeping on and more. We are juggling more then ever, we are moving faster than ever, we are losing sleep, and dealing with constant anxiety and self doubt, and that is effecting us negatively – especially on a hormonal level.
There are things a woman can do to help with her emotional health and hormones balance. I have covered this in a lot of my other content. Bioidentical progesterone, thyroid therapy, GABA, magnesium and vitamin D3 are very helpful. The B vitamins are very important to help the liver metabolize estrogen and adrenaline. And do not underestimate the power of nutrition on the hormonal and emotional state. Protein deficiency is know to impair the livers ability to detoxify estrogen and adrenaline. Poor food choices and alcohol WILL worsen emotional and mental health by increasing lipopolysaccharides (gut toxins), systemic inflammation, serotonin (high serotonin is not good for mental health), estrogen and the stress hormones. Poor nutrition will also effect sleep. Poor sleep absolutely DESTROYS emotional and mental health.
I am fully aware that men have their own hormonal challenges, and during midlife too. And that in some men, hormonal issues are being exacerbated due to environmental issues/toxins and this effects their emotional and mental health. But for the nature of this conversation, I am only putting forward the argument for the challenges that women experience and that HORMONES ARE REAL.
If you are a man reading this, I encourage you to take care of your woman AND encourage your woman to take care of herself. Help her with her self care practices, help her with the chores, listen to her (even if you are not interested – learn to be interested. If its important to her, then it should be important to you.). Spend time together, bring her flowers, ask her how she is feeling, as her if she slept well. Sometimes she will respond positively and sometimes she might not. But please give her grace – she may be hormonal or just tired. Its not easy being a woman.
If you can relate to this or found this helpful, let me know. I really just needed to get this off my chest and I hope I did the topic justice.
